As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
