saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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