im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
