I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
