He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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