My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They are going to name an STD after you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
