after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
