How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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