p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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