He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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