Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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