haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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