I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
