I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
