I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
