i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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