OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize