you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
