That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
