If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
