i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
