How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
