he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
