thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
