My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize