I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Success! We fucked roommates!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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