like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
