What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
