I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
