Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
