Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
