just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
