Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize