Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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