walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
