Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
