he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
