can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
