my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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