my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
