The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
