tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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