Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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