it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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