dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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