im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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