Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
