what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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