I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
