i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
