I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
