Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
