if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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