We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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