We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
