I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
