I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
