How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
