I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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