I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
