Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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