Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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