Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
