why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
