I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
