i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
