She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
