i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize