THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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