That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
