he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize