Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
