Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
