I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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