Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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