the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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