But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
