Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
