Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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