Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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