Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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