it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
