Already got asked if we're dating
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i now understand why vodka
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
