he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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