This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
