I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize