So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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