it was like his penis was on wheels.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
