I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
