uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my shit smells like andre
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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