next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
