Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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