I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
