apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
