Sry I called you an 8
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How does one acquire holy water?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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