i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
