covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I deserve this hangover.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize